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As those problem must eventually re-emerge, the subsequent breakups are likely to happen more quickly.

Over time, and especially if they’ve been in disappointing other relationships, they miss each other again and valiantly try to “make it work.” If they don’t see those patterns and correct them, that process will occur until they either wear each other out or find someone they’d rather invest in.

What that means in a three-way relationship is that each day is securely connected.

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A partner who may have understood a one-night stand that is immediately confessed is less likely to feel as humiliated as one who finds out much later or when a relationship is more established.There are many factors that can affect these triangulated relationships, and how they are combined can affect the outcome in different ways.Time Elapsed A new separation is clearly more undefined. Keep that space always ready to receive her and invite her in, and refuse to let anyone or anything else enter there. She doesn’t have to stay with you, and if you don’t take care of her heart, she may give that heart to someone else or seal you out completely, and you may never be able to get it back. Focus to the point where you can no longer see anything but love, and you know without a doubt that you are the luckiest man on earth to be have this woman as your wife. And if she changes, love what she becomes, whether it’s what you wanted or not. Take full accountability for your own emotions: It’s not your wife’s job to make you happy, and she get frustrated or angry at her, it is only because it is triggering something inside of you. When you feel those feelings take time to get present and to look within and understand what it is inside of you that is asking to be healed. (Okay, getting a little too poetic here, but you get the point. One of those men may be like I was, and in these hard earned lessons perhaps something will awaken in him and he will learn to be the man his lady has been waiting for. Love yourself fully, love the world openly, but there is a special place in your heart where no one must enter except for your wife. Change will come, and in that you have to re-choose each other everyday. If you focus on what you love, you can’t help but be consumed by love. Your job is to love her as she is with no expectation of her ever changing. Do whatever it takes to clear your head so that when you are with her you are fully WITH HER. Sometimes she will need to fly from your branches to go and find what feeds her soul, and if you give her that space she will come back with new songs to sing. If this is the guiding principle through which all your choices is governed, there is nothing that will threaten the happiness of your marriage. In the end marriage isn’t about happily ever after. And a commitment to grow together and a willingness to continually invest in creating something that can endure eternity. If you are reading this and find wisdom in my pain, share it those those young husbands whose hearts are still full of hope, and with those couples you may know who may have forgotten how to love.




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Rachel Kramer Bussel is the author of "Sex & Cupcakes: A Juicy Collection of Essays" and the editor of more than 50 anthologies, including "The Big Book of Orgasms," "Serving Him" and "Irresistible: Erotic Romance for Couples." She writes widely about sex, dating and pop culture, and is a blogger at Lusty Lady and Cupcakes Take the Cake.


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